What to Expect From Couples Therapy
Written by:
Taylor Anderson, Psy.D., HSP-P
Licensed Psychologist
Do we need couples therapy?
Many couples are unsure if couples therapy is right for them. A common misconception I hear regarding couples therapy is that it’s only for unhealthy relationships or relationships on the verge of ending. Rather, couples therapy is helpful for couples to maintain or improve an already healthy dynamic, build further intimacy, and to help those couples struggling with more deeply rooted problems such as an affair, betrayal of trust, resentments or problems in their sex life. Couples therapy also helps with communication difficulties and with feelings of growing apart. Premarital counseling is another form of therapy common for couples before entering marriage. In short, couples therapy can be used to prevent problems, maintain a healthy relationship, further enhance a strong bond, just as much as it can be helpful for working through deep hurts and resentments.
75% Success Rate
Couples therapy looks differently today than it did years ago. For example, 30-years ago couples therapy was only 50% effective. Today, couples therapy holds a 75% success rate. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Approach are two science based treatment approaches contributing to success rates we today. At Carolina Therapy Solutions, I primarily use EFT to provide my couples with symptom relief while simultaneous identifying the root cause of the problems to ensure lasting change. EFT is an attachment based therapy created to increase a secure bond with your partner.
The Right Fit
The first step a couple should take is finding the right therapist for your relationship and your relationship problems. Research consistently suggests you are more likely to find success in therapy if you feel comfortable with your therapist. It may take you a few sessions to determine if the therapist is a good fit for your relationship dynamic. That’s okay and completely normal! I offer a free phone consultation before scheduling your first appointment to help determine if I am the right fit for you and answer any questions you have about the process. Request a free consultation here.
What to Expect in First Couples Therapy Session
During your first session (often referred to as your intake) your therapist will want to get a thorough understanding of your relationship history, your primary concerns, strengths and weaknesses as a couple, and what you hope to get out of therapy. Together with your therapist you will identify treatment goals to meet the needs of your relationship. Your therapist may ask you questions about your childhood, your individual family, how you met, and about other areas in your personal lives. Hearing your whole story will help your therapist make an assessment of your relationship and create an effective treatment plan.
How Does Couples Therapy Work?
I focus my work with couples on two components of their relationship, the symptoms and the root. The symptoms often look like poor communication (feeling unheard, dismissed, blaming each other, “nagging,” “bickering,” or outright arguing), lack of effort, differences in parenting styles, burnout, being on different pages, or problems in your sex life. The root of the problem is often deeper than the context of the disagreements and tends to be the driver behind perpetuating cycles across these different contexts. For example, a couple may have reoccurring arguments about household chores, parenting, and conflicting work schedules. Often there is an underlying common theme such as feeling alone, unheard, or overwhelmed. When couples address the emotional experience underneath the context and feel truly understood by their partner combined with empathy and warmth, we typically see many of the symptoms will dissipate on their own as a result. My goal as a couples therapist is to help you create a stronger bond and move from negative interaction styles to effective and more positive interactions. It is to help you recognize the harmful patterns and behaviors which are the problem, not each other.
Couples Counseling Raleigh NC
Interested in starting couples therapy? Call us today at (919) 817-8050 or email Dr. Anderson at tanderson@carolinatherapysolutions.com
